Whose Limits Are They?

There is an Asian story about the training of elephants that goes something like this. When an elephant is born and still relatively weak, a very large stake is driven into the ground and a large heavy chain is attached to it and one of the baby elephants legs. In this way the baby learns that no matter how hard it tries it can't get away from that stake and chain, a lesson it carries into its adult life, hence the fable about an elephant never forgets. It learned as a young elephant it could not escape its shackle, and even though as an adult it would have no problem dislodging the stake it never tries to escape its learned limits.

We as adults must be aware of this lesson and think about the consequences of the limits we may inadvertently put on our children. When we say to them pick Scouts or sports because one has to go so you can do well with your studies, what are we really saying? Are we establishing a limit that they will carry with them the rest of their lives? Are we saying you can do this or that but not all these things? Have we just created a box around our children, shackled them to a large stake in the ground and told them they can go no further?

Can a child be overwhelmed by too many things to do, sure he can, but more often than not its us, the parent that is overwhelmed not the child. So next time you say to your son or daughter "you can't do both" think about the message you are sending, and offer up a way for them to make the decision.